Born on the banks of the Cumberland river in the swamplands of central Tennessee, I was raised by a group of traveling gypsies who taught me to fend for myself by pick pocketing and scamming tourists on the outskirts of Nashville.
I spent the first twenty years of my life running from the police, experimenting with hard drugs, sleeping in abandoned trailer parks, and stealing packed lunches from small children to survive. Despite my awkward appearance, and brazen antics, I was able to elude the authorities for quite some time. And, if I hadn’t consumed that entire gallon of homemade moonshine and passed out naked in the middle of Interstate 40, I'd probably still be running.
As it happens, getting arrested that day was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. After being charged with twelve different misdemeanors, I was sentenced to 36 months in county jail. My time there was not pleasant, and I will not go into the details here...I spent most of my time in jail reading computer manuals and teaching myself every programming language I could find a book for. Yeah, it was difficult only having access to a computer for one hour every week, but I managed to learn the entire syntax of nine different programming languages during my 36 month sentence.
After I was released from jail, I moved north, forged some documents (I'm not proud of this, but it had to be done), and got myself accepted to a state university in Pennsylvania. There, I excelled as a computer science student, and graduated near the top of my class.
Shortly thereafter, I woke up naked (again?) down on 6th Street in Austin, TX. Unaware of how I ended up there, and without any good reason to return to Pennsylvania, I decided to stay in Texas.
These days, I spend my time fixing other people's problems as an IT guy. While not doing that, I like to pursue various hobbies and create uniquely colorful artwork whenever I get the chance.
Disclaimer: You should not believe everything you read on the internet..